


if you sink, then i'll sink with you

by LocalLibraryGremlin



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe: Connor Lives, Connor Tries, Evan Hansen Deserves Happiness, F/F, Gay, Hospitalization, Jared Being an Asshole, M/M, Mentioned/Described Gore, Mutual Pining, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, alana/zoe falling in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2019-11-05 04:03:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17911640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LocalLibraryGremlin/pseuds/LocalLibraryGremlin
Summary: The one where Evan writes a note, falls, and gets more then a broken arm.





	1. Promise

Evan wasn't really sure what had lend to this. He just knew that he was writing the note. Besides, it was for the best. With him gone, he wouldn't be a burden to his mother, and Jared could get some actual friends. Lord knows that he was the one holding him back. And frankly, he wasn't quite sure how much longer he could do this for. And at least he would die doing something he loved.

 

It would be better this way.

 

Evan finished the note and slid it into his pocket. He took a shaky breath in, and began shuffling down the tree branch, getting closer to the edge. He then moved so that he was hanging from the branch like he was on the monkey bars during elementary.

 

He looked up and saw the sun.

 

He let go.

 

***

 

Connor didn't really know what to think when he saw the blonde boy come crashing out of the tree. It was a tall tree, sure, but Hansen was always kinda clumsy, and maybe he would just get right back up. And it made sense to his weed-muddled brain. So he waited.

 

Hansen didn't get up.

 

Then the paranoia started to set in, and the next thing Connor knew, he was running towards Hansen, hoping that the smaller boy was just catching his breath.

 

He wasn't.

 

“Hansen? Oh my god, Hansen.”

 

Hansen was on his side, bleeding from a jagged cut across his temple, which was dripping blood onto his eyelashes and down his nose. He had also fallen on his right arm, and Connor could see the sharp edge of the bone coming out of the gushing wound.

 

Connor nearly started dry heaving, but managed not to and scrambled to grab his phone.

 

“911, what's your emergency?”

 

“This kid fell out of a tree and he's bleeding everywhere and his fucking bone's trying to escape from his fucking arm and his head is bleeding and he needs something.” Connor spoke very fast, but by some miracle the lady on the phone understood him.

 

“Where are you, sir?”

 

“I'm at the orchard near A La Mode.”

 

“Alright sir, please stay with the victim, but don't touch his arm. Is he conscious?”

 

“No.”

 

“If he wakes up, try to keep him awake. We are sending help right away. Please stay calm.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

And with that, the call was ended. And all Connor could do was wait. So, he waited.

 

And Hansen had yet to wake up. He was breathing, Connor could see that, but it was very slow and shallow. Connor gulped, and he could feel his eyes filling with tears. He wasn't sure what to do, so he gently took Hansen's good hand in his own, and squeezed it.

 

“Y-Your gonna be okay, okay? I promise. Help's coming, a-and your gonna be fine.”

 

Connor rubbed his thumb along the back of Hansen's hand, and pressed his forehead to it.

 

“Your gonna be fine. Promise.”

 

As he began to hear the wailing of sirens in the background, he swore that he felt Hansen squeeze back.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh boy oh no evan's in the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay fam lets do this

Everything was going fantastic in Jared Kleinman's life. His parents were out of town so he could throw bangin' parties, and Evan hadn't been around to annoy him, so now he might finally be able to get a girlfriend. He had also found a good porn blog on Tumblr, so now he could-you know what let's not finish that sentence.

 

So, when Evan fucking Hansen called at exactly 2:37pm on a bright, summer day, just as Jared was about to find some strangers to chat with, he was frustrated.

 

“What do you want, Evan?”

 

“Kleinman.” Was snarled was the other line.

 

Jared took the phone off his ear, and looked at it, before putting it back. “Is this Evan?”

 

“It's Connor, you fucking fucker. Get your ass down to Clementine Memorial Hospital so that after I kick your ass, you'll be able to have immediate medical help. And you're gonna fucking need it if what Evan said is true.”

 

“Calm down Connor, this isn't going to help your reputation when I tell your mom.” Jared cackled, Connor was honestly to easy to make fun of. “And why the hell do you have Evan's phone, anyways?”

 

“Did you seriously tell Evan that you're only his friend for fucking _car insurance?_ ” Connor sounded very close to jumping through the phone and killing Jared. “How fucking miserable do you have to be to tell someone that?”

 

“It's true.”

 

“Fuck you, Kleinman. Fuck you and fuck your mind games and fuck your high and mighty attitude and fuck the fact the you make Evan feel like shit. Go fuck yourself with a fucking cactus, you asshole. Evan's in the fucking hospital because he tried to fucking kill himself, and I don't think that you insisting he meant nothing to you fucking helped!”

 

Jared froze. Everything stopped.

 

“W-What?”

 

“Evan. Tried. To. Kill. Himself. If you care, get down to the hospital. You have a car. Make the damn trip.”

 

“N-No, that's impossible, Evan's anxious, but he's fine, he wouldn't do that.”

 

“Tell that to the fucking suicide note in his back pocket. Get. Down. Here. Or get one of your parents down here, his Mom's freaking out.” And then Connor hung up.

 

It wasn't possible. Wasn't. Not at all. Connor was probably pranking him, right? Oh, yes, of course, that's all it was: a prank! Yeah, Connor probably just smoked to much, and he really lost his sense of humour. Yeah, that had to be it!

 

So, Jared called him back.

 

“Look, I know that your probably to high to care, but calling people and telling them that someone is in the hospital because they tried to kill themselves isn't funny. Go to Walmart and buy a new sense of humour.”

 

“This isn't a fucking joke.”

 

“You're lying.”

 

“Talk to his mom.”

 

Jared heard the phone being passed off. “J-Jared?”

 

“Ms Hansen? I'm so sorry, did Connor come to your house to make the joke seem more believable? Do I need to call the police?” Now Jared was definitely worried, this was way to far for a joke.

 

Heidi sobbed into the phone, gasping for air, and all of Jared's hopes for Connor just having a really unstable moment crumbled. “J-Jared, honey, I-I'm, E-Evan's,” There was a pause. “I'm a horrible mother.”

 

No. No no no no no. This wasn't happening.

 

Apparently Jared was on autopilot, because he didn't realize he was even speaking.

 

“Don't say that, Ms Hansen. I'll be right there.”

 

And then he hung up, left his bed with shaking knees, and got into his car.

 

***

 

Connor wasn't good at comforting people. So as he sat in the hospital waiting room, with his head between his knees trying to breath, he hadn't really realized that Evan's mom would probably come to see him.

 

“Where is my son?!” A very panicked blonde woman yelled, practically running to the front desk. Connor looked up, and recognized the blue eyes and freckles.

 

“Ms Hansen, he's in surgery right now, I'll call a doctor down to tell you about his condition.”

 

The lady nodded, and numbly sat down next to Connor.

 

“Are you the boy that was with him?” She asked, tears flooding blue eyes. Connor nodded shyly, not really knowing what to say.

 

“I held his hand.”

 

Heidi's bottom lip trembled, and she threw her arms around Connor.

 

“Thank you-thank you thank you.” She squeezed him tighter. “Thank you.”

 

“Your welcome.” Connor said, patting her back slightly.

 

“Are you two close? Are you his friend?” Heidi asked, sounding so small and desperate.

 

Connor honestly didn't want her to have another heartbreak, so he just nodded slightly.

 

“Thats good. I'm glad he has friends.” Heidi smiled weakly at him. “He's going to be fine, don't worry.”

 

“Ms Hansen?” A dark haired man in a lab coat-presumably the doctor-smiled at them. “Can I speak to you? Alone?” The man smiled at Connor. “It'll just be a minute.”

 

Heidi nodded, and gave Connor another nervous smile, before squeezing his hand.

 

As she walked away, Connor's phone started to ring. It was his hand.

 

“Shit.” Connor mumbled, before answering the phone. “Hey Dad.”

 

“Where the hell are you?! Do you have any idea how worried your mother is?!” That was Larry Murphy.

 

Connor rolled his eyes. “I'm at the hospital, my friend got hurt.”

 

“Your friend?! What friends do you have?!”

 

“Just the one. I don't know when I'll be home.” And then Connor hung up.

 

About a minute after the call ended, a very shaky looking Heidi Hansen came back. The poor woman looked worse then before: she was shaking, with tears running down her face, and her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

 

“Ms Hansen?”

 

“Connor.” Heidi looked almost catatonic, she sort of just stared at him for a minute. “It was a suicide attempt.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no where to go but up


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Connor have a confrontation, Heidi cries, and we meet hospital staff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone. im sorry this took so long, i had a big project and a lung infection. heres chapter 3

For the next ten minutes, Connor was damn near catatonic, keeping a hand on Heidi's shoulder while she sobbed. Then, he decided to call Jared, who showed up after thirty-five minutes.

 

“Ms Hansen.” Jared said, looking more sincere then Connor had ever seen him. “I'm so sorry.”

 

Heidi looked up at Jared, and then wrapped her arms around the shorter boy, sobbing into his shoulder. Connor watched as Jared let out a shaky breath and hugged the woman back, mumbling soft reassurances to her.

 

This was _nothing_ like the Jared that Conner knew back a school, and he wasn't sure if he was glad he was here, or furious that Evan was 'friends' with the other Jared. Connor settled for a comfortable mix of the two, and waiting for Heidi and Jared to stop hugging before greeting them.

 

“Kleinman.” Connor said, trying to put as much edge in his voice as possible without upsetting Heidi.

 

“Murphy.” Jared said, going for the same effect.

 

Heidi, thinking that they were just introducing themselves, started discussing Evan's condition.

 

“He broke his arm, and three of his ribs. He has a concussion, and broke his ankle.” Heidi took a shaky breath in. “If Connor hadn't been there-”

 

“He was there, that's all that matters.” Jared said, looking at Connor. “Ms Hansen, do you mind staying here while Connor and I get you some food?”

 

“A-Are you sure?”

 

“Of course.” This time, Connor spoke. “We'll be right back.”

 

***

 

By the time they left the room, Connor smacked Jared across the face.

 

“What the hell?!”

 

“Who are you? You where plenty nice to Ms Hansen, but the second we get back to school, you'll just be treating Evan like shit again!”

 

“Her son's in the hospital, do you really wanna do this now?”

 

“I think I do!” Connor said, throwing his hands in the air. He was so sick of Jared acting like he was above everyone else. It was so stupid.

 

“You want to fight me, after Ms Hansen was just told that Evan tried to kill himself? Yeah, cause that's going to go over well with everyone.” Jared said, and rolled his eyes. “You're such an idiot.”

 

“Well it's your fault!”

 

“How the hell is this my fault?” Jared asked, crossing his arms and trying to keep the upper hand.

 

“You where supposed to be his friend, but no! Instead you told him that you were friends with him for fucking _car insurance_. Which, first of all, is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard of. And, everyone in the whole damn school knows that Evan is your only friend.”

 

“That's not true, I have other friends then Evan. And he knew that that was just a stupid joke!”

 

“Did he? Maybe it wasn't a joke to him, Jared, maybe it was just another person telling him how worthless and unneeded he was.”

 

“Stop acting like you have the high ground, Murphy. What the fuck have you ever done for Evan, huh? Hell, what do you do for anyone besides yourself?”

 

“I keep an eye out for him, which is more then you do.” They glared at each other for a minute.

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“Fuck you too.”

 

***

 

They did eventually come back to comfort Ms Hanson, although they also glared at each other from over her head.

 

“T-The doctors said...they said that he'd be fine.” Heidi managed to gasp out after a minute. “They think that he might have to stay in the psych ward.” Heidi sniffled before burying her head in her hands. “God, how did I not notice? I'm his mother, goddammit. I should've-” She started crying again, and Jared rubbed her back.

 

“You couldn't have known, Ms Hansen. Right, Connor?”

 

Connor stayed silent.

 

Jared frowned. “Right, Connor? None of us knew.”

 

“At least we know now.” Connor said instead. “He'll get help and get better.”

 

Heidi nodded a little, but a fresh set of tears started. “I'm his mother. I'm supposed to make sure that this doesn't happen to him.”

 

“It's not your fault.” Jared said softly.

 

Heidi just sighed and shook her head, before looking at the two teenage boys. “If you two need to go home, you can.”

 

“My parents are out of town, Ms Hansen. And Evan's my friend.” Connor held back a laugh at that. “I want to talk to him when he wakes up.”

 

“And mine just don't care.” Connor said, rolling his head back and flashing the pair a bitter smile. “And I also want to talk to Evan when he wakes up.”

 

Heidi smiled. “Thank you. I'm glad that Evan has friends like you.”

 

Jared and Connor glared at each other.

 

***

 

Evan was incredibly surprised when he woke up.

 

At first, he thought that he was in heaven, mostly because the first thing that he saw was the florescent ceiling lights. Then he heard the heart monitor.

 

“Oh! Good, your awake.” A nurse with cropped hair said. “Dr Muller was getting concerned that you slipped into a coma. Shit, your IV drip is almost out, I'm gonna get you another one.”

 

The nurse left the room, but quickly came back with a new drip bag. “Alright, we're just going to replace this, and then I'm gonna get the doctor to come check you out.”

 

Evan tried to say something, but his mouth felt like it was full of cotton balls. Luckily, the nurse picked up on it.

 

“I'll also get you some water.”

 

The nurse once again left the room, but came back with a glass of water. “Here you go.”

 

Evan managed to sit up a little bit, and had a couple sips before putting the glass down. “Is my Mom here?”

 

“Heidi Hansen?” The nurse asked, and Evan nodded. “Yeah, she's here. I'll go grab the doctor and tell her your awake.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

The nurse smiled, and gave him a goofy little salute. Evan sighed and leaned back into the hospital cot.

 

God, he hoped his Mom would forgive him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its all vaguely uphill from here


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan talks to people. Connor and Jared have different reactions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall sorry for disappearing i had a band thing and a musical and an ap exam but im back

Heidi was the first person to enter the room, and Evan physically felt his heart knot inside his chest.

 

“Hi Mom.”

 

She just stared at him for a few seconds, before rushing over and wrapping him in her arms. Evan felt his eyes water and his throat tighten, and every breath he took stung.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“I'm sorry.” Heidi said, cupping his face in her hands. “I'm your mother, I'm supposed to notice these things.” Then she broke down into tears again. Evan just held her tighter.

 

They hugged and cried for a while, then Heidi released Evan from her grasp, and gave him a watery smile. “I'm gonna go talk to the doctor about when you can go home, okay?”

 

Evan nodded. Heidi sighed, and kissed his forehead.

 

“My brave boy.”

 

***

 

Connor went in next.

 

“Hey.”

 

Evan gave him a wide smile. “Hey.”

 

“I'm glad your okay.”

 

“Thanks.” Evan paused, and gave him a slightly loopy look. “The drugs are kicking in.”

 

“That's fun.”

 

Evan laughed, loudly, and the sound seemed to fill the room, and Connor felt a little bit okay.

 

“I'm sorry for scaring you.” And the mood went back down.

 

Connor gave him a wry smile, and sat down next to him. “That's okay. I'm sorry that I didn't notice.”

 

“You weren't supposed to.”

 

“I know. But loners have to stick together.” He nudged his side gently.

 

“You say that like we're friends.” Evan grinned, clearly high on the painkillers, but he seemed calmer then he had in months, and thats all Connor really wanted for him.

 

“Maybe we should be.”

 

“Okay.” Evan had a slightly nervous gleam in his eyes, but it was also hopeful, and it made Connor's heart clench. “Let's be friends.”

 

Connor grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Let's be friends.”

 

***

 

Jared was next.

 

He didn't want to see Evan. Hell, he didn't want to talk to Evan. He wanted to grab Evan's shoulders and shake him until he understood how fucking stupid he was. He also wanted to get down on his knees, cry into the thin, itchy blanket, and apologize to Evan until he was forgiven.

 

Jared wasn't doing great.

 

“Hey Jared.” Evan gave him a wide, wide grin, and Jared wanted to scream. “You actually came.”

 

“You're so fucking stupid.” Jared tried to shallow down the growing lump in his throat. “You're Mom's a wreck.”

 

“I know. I'm sorry.”

 

“You fucking better be.” Jared ran a hand through his hair. “You should have said something to someone-fucking anyone-holy hell, Evan.”

 

“I thought you could be happy without me holding you down.” Evan said it completely sincerely, and Jared wanted to punch a wall.

 

“What the fuck, Hansen.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“You're so stupid. So stupid.”

 

“I'm really sorry. I thought that you'd be happy. I'm sorry.” Evan teared up, but the drugs were really starting to get to him. “I know I'm drugged up right now, but I really didn't wanna keep holding you down. I know that I'm a lot to handle, and probably really exhausting-”

 

“No your not!” Jared through his arms in the air. “I can't believe you actually think that! I can't believe you actually believed the car insurance thing, it was a _joke!_ A stupid joke that I made! I thought you knew! Holy shit, Hansen! Did you really think that we'd be better off without you?! I-You're Mom hasn't stopped crying since she got here! I had to hear about this from _Connor Murphy_ , who is more miserable then usual! I can't believe you!”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“You better fucking be! You were gonna leave us, leave me! What the hell did you think I was gonna do without you, dumb ass?! Did you think that you where just gonna die, and that no one would notice? Because guess what, we did!” Jared could feel the anger welling up, and grief hiding underneath it. “I can't believe that you'd be so selfish-”

 

“Hey! That's enough!” The nurse from before came in and grabbed Jared by the shoulder. “Stop yelling at him, he had his arm reset and is high on morphine. Either calm down, or I'm getting security.”

 

Jared glared at the nurse, who glared right back. Eventually, he huffed and left the room (Jared, not the nurse).

 

The nurse turned around and smiled at Evan gently. “Sorry 'bout that. Do you want me to report him?”

 

Evan shook his head. “Can I sleep now?”

 

The nurse laughed. “Sure kid.”

 

He turned the lights off, and Evan fell asleep.

 

***

 

Outside of the room, Connor was glaring menacingly at Jared, who had his head in his hands.

 

“You screwed up.” Connor told him.

 

“I'm aware.”

 

“You're a fucking idiot.”

 

“I'm also aware.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“Fuck you too.”

 

Heidi came back into the hallway, looking shellshocked.

 

“Hey Ms Hansen.” Jared gave her a thin smile. “How are you doing?”

 

“I'm alright.” She said faintly, like she was in shock. “Evan's father is coming.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> till next time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan's dad's there, Connor and Jared have an almost Polite Conservation, and the Murphy family find out where there son is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello sorry for disappearing, exams happened, but now I have time to write.

If was an hour after that particular announcement, and if the arguing from outside of Evan's room was an indicator, his father was here.

 

“Goddamnit, Heidi-He's my son!”

 

“You wanted nothing to do with us! You didn't want to be a father, remember?” Heidi hissed at him.

 

“Things have changed! I've changed!”

 

“Nothing's changed, you just don't want to feel guilty.”

 

Jared and Connor where both sitting with in Evan's room, who was luckily sleeping soundly.

 

“This isn't great.” Connor said to himself, picking at Evan's blanket.

 

“What an insightful observation, Connor. It's no wonder you get A's in English.”

 

“Okay seriously fuck you.”

 

Evan grumbled and they both shut up. For about a minute.

 

“Do you think Evan's gonna actually talk to his dad?” Connor asked.

 

Jared sighed in frustration. “I hope not. His dad left when he was like, eight, and I'm pretty sure that Evan blames himself.”

 

“Honestly, fuck dads.”

 

“Yeah.” Jared paused, before speaking again. “Do you seriously look out for Evan?”

 

“I mean, yeah. We're both loner's, and there's a surprising lack of those at our school. I've seen his art, he draws nice trees. He's nice to you, so he clearly has the patience of a saint. He's cute. He always get picked on, so I do my best to yell at the bullies after they leave.” Connor suddenly looked deep in thought. “Which I am starting to realize probably isn't helping my reputation at school. And, I don't know. I just feel that we have a...weird connection.”

 

“I guess that kinda makes sense.” Jared said, after thinking about it for a second. “You think that Evan's cute?”

 

“Of course. Look at him.”

 

***

 

Meanwhile, at the Murphy house, Zoe was wondering where the fuck her brother was.

 

You see, Larry had decided that, instead of letting his wife and daughter know that Connor was at the hospital because his friend got hurt, he had decided to just not say anything at all. You know, like responsible parents do.

 

So, that night's dinner had been filled with Cynthia asking where Connor was, Larry giving her an answer that changed every time, Cynthia getting more concerned, and Zoe getting mad at her brother for concerning her Mom.

 

However, it was know ten o'clock, Connor hadn't been heard from since around three thirty, and Zoe was actually starting to get mildly concerned herself. She wasn't usually concerned about Connor, because he was known for staying out late and generally not caring about how this affect her mom, but they usually did have some vague idea of where his was. However, this time they didn't. So, she called him.

 

“Hello?” A slightly groggy sounding Connor said.

 

Zoe rolled her eyes. “Where the hell are you? Mom's worried.”

 

“I'm at the hospital.”

 

“ _What?_ ” She tried her best to keep the panic out of her voice. Suddenly, any anger at Connor disappeared, as she went through worse cause scenarios. “What happened?”

 

“Do you know Evan Hansen?”

 

“I think he's in my art class.”

 

“He...got hurt at the orchard, and I was there, so now I'm at the hospital with him. He's okay, he's just sleeping. I told Larry where I was, did he not tell Cynthia?”

 

“No, he left that detail out. How long do you think you'll be there?”

 

“At least until I find when Evan's getting out. Why?”

 

“I'm telling Mom, and I have a feeling that we'll be joining you.”

 

***

 

So, Heidi and Evan's Father had finished fighting, and came up with a compromise. Evan's Father-whose name was apparently George-would get to talk to Evan. However, Heidi would be watching the entire time.

 

So, Evan had waken up, and was still kind of out of it from the morphine, when his dad walked into the room, and pulled up chair to sit by Evan's bed, right across from Jared and Connor. Evan looked super confused, while Jared and Connor just looked concerned. Heidi stood up against the wall, and was transitioning between glaring at George, and watching Evan for any signs of distress.

 

“Dad?” Evan asked.

 

“Hey son.”

 

“Are you actually here?”

 

“Yes, I am.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Apparently, I'm still on your emergency contacts. The hospital called me and told me what happened. I drove down here, I wanted to see you.”

 

Evan just kind of sat there, staring at him. “Okay.”

 

George smiled at him. “You don't have to say anything.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“I'm really glad that your okay.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Evan?”

 

“Okay.”

 

Heidi walked over to Evan. “Sweetie, are you okay?”

 

“I think I want to sleep.”

 

“Alright then, we'll leave, and you can get some sleep.” Heidi smiled at Evan, and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

 

After they all left the hospital room, Cynthia and Zoe came into the hospital.

 

“Connor!”

 

Connor looked at his mom, and then at Zoe. “Shit.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> until next time. Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor goes home, Evan stays at the hospital, and they both think about there situations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry for disappearing, i went on a trip, and then i got my wisdom teeth removed.

“Connor Murphy!” Cynthia yelled at Connor. “Do you have any idea how worried I was?!”

 

“I didn't think you'd notice.” Connor said, both sarcastically and honestly, somehow.

 

Zoe sighed. “Not the time Connor.”

 

“I'm not leaving until Evan leaves.” Connor said, crossing his arms. “I'll be fine here. Just go home.”

 

“Connor, I understand that you want to be there for your...friend. But it's still a school night.”

 

“It's not like I would be doing anything important.” Connor shrugged.

 

Heidi finally decided to go up to Cynthia and say hello. “I don't think we've met, I'm Heidi, Evan's mom.” Heidi gave her a watery smile. “Evan had an...accident, and your son called the ambulance. I'm so sorry that we've worried you-”

 

“I'm so sorry, I hadn't realized that it was this serious.” Cynthia said, blushing as she backtracked from her anger. “I hope your son's alright.”

 

“Thank you. The doctor's said that he should be out by next week.” Heidi said, giving a hopeful little smile. “I can't thank Connor enough, it could've been much worse.”

 

Cynthia gave her an awkward smile. “I'm glad that he was able to help.” She then turned to him. “Connor. Let's go.”

 

“I wanna wait for Evan.” Connor then turned to Heidi. “Please, Ms Hansen.”

 

“You should go home, sweetie.” Heidi smiled tiredly. “I know you want to stay, but you'll see him tomorrow. You can come visit with me.” She then turned to Cynthia. “If that's alright with you.”

 

“Of course.”

 

She then smiled politely at Heidi and said goodnight. Connor grumbled but followed, turning around to smile at Heidi before leaving. Zoe also gave Heidi a smile before leaving.

 

Heidi closed her eyes and tried to take in everything that had happened in the last six hours. Her baby was in the hospital. Evan had tried to kill himself. She was pretty sure that she had heard Jared and Connor fighting. Evan's dad had shown up. Evan wasn't going to be home for a while. She had somehow not noticed that Evan was spiralling. She still had to go to work in the morning.

 

She sighed and turned to Jared. “Do you need a ride home?”

 

Jared shook his head and said goodnight. Heidi watched him leave.

 

***

 

Hospital's were boring at night, Evan soon found out.

 

Despite what some people may believe, Evan was never a sickly kid. He spent most of his childhood in the orchard, either up a tree or by one. He was used to fresh air, the green of the leaves and the blue of the sky, the sunshine and the smell of the grass and dew and flowers. He wasn't often in the hospital.

 

He hated the smell of antiseptic, and the lemon cleaner that the janitor used. He didn't like the off-coloured walls and the itchy bedsheets and the hospital gown.

 

He hated that he had upset his Mom to the point of tears. He hated that Jared actually seemed to care now. He hated that his Dad had came, that it took him in the _hospital_ for his dad to visit. He hated that he hadn't thought enough about how doing... _this_ would effect the people around him.

 

(Though he didn't even think they'd notice.)

 

He hated that Connor had to see him fall. He hated that the doctor's had found the note and he hated that he couldn't just lie about it and make it go away, that he couldn't just convince his Mom that he had just fell. Now he couldn't pretend that things were getting better, and now everyone would see how hopeless he really was. That they were all going to see the truth.

 

He didn't know if he could handle that.

 

***

 

Connor was at home, in bed, staring at the ceiling. He had gotten chewed out by his Mom in the car, with Zoe being surprisingly quiet in the back seat. He couldn't really remember what she had said. He honestly just turned it into background noise after a while.

 

So Evan was doing a lot worse then anyone had ever guessed. Connor had the sneaking suspicion that going back to school was going to be hell for Evan. And, for some completely stupid reason that Connor could not figure out, he wanted to help. He didn't know if it was just some weird form of Survivor's Guilt or loner solidarity, but he wanted to be there for Evan.

 

Maybe it was because Evan was one of the very few people who didn't seem to think that Connor was going to shoot up the school. Maybe it was because he wanted to one-up Jared Kleinman and become Evan's best friend. Maybe it was because, somehow, he made Evan smile in the hospital, and now he wanted to do it again, and again, and again, and again. Maybe he wanted to show Evan that at least someone was in his corner. Maybe he wanted to give Evan a reason to stick around.

 

Whatever the reason was, Connor had decided, hell or high water, that he was going to figure out a way to be there for Evan, even though he was complete shit at emotions and comforting. And being patient with people in need of those things.

 

He just needed to figure out how to start.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed! feel free to comment things you liked/scathing criticism. i except either.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. please leave comments, i like validation


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